social media Archives - Organized Babble

Today I am hosting my first ever guest post. It’s something I’ve thought about doing for a while – inviting others to share their words in my space – but hadn’t taken the initiative to organize. A few nights ago I received a message from a former student, from my senior year of high school when I was a student teacher in our religious education program, and she was a 7th grader. Now, years later, she reached out and asked if I’d share something she wrote. Yes!, I responded. Anything, anytime. She sent me her post that very night.

So, here you go: What follows are Melissa’s own thoughts and words. I think you will find that she and I have many of the same philosophies and ideas – enjoy!

Contrasting Being Connected with Just Connections

Today, journaling didn’t feel like enough. My words were jumping off the page. It seemed like they were screaming “share me”! So, in an effort to practice the things I value and find important, namely vulnerability and storytelling, I took a risk. I stepped out of my comfort zone. Here’s what I wrote:

Recently, the pervasiveness of social media in our everyday life has been at the forefront of my mental energy. Sometimes I feel like Facebook is mostly about keeping up appearances. I don’t actually find it very authentic at all. It’s simply a crafted glimpse into someone’s life. I am always intrigued to see what people are posting and sharing but as for myself, I’m never really that “open” or thoughtful on Facebook. So, to put it bluntly, if you’re only following me on Facebook I say to you, “you don’t know my life”. For some many people I know I am passively following their lives and occasionally liking their posts but that’s the extent to which we are “connected”. This managed identity gives way to statements such as this “Well, it seems like you’re busy and having a lot happening right now…” when you’d rather be asked ‘how are you today?”. Which, if we’re being honest. Most of us post more online on the days when we ARE struggling (or bored, lonely, anxious, etc.). For me, I post more on days that I’m not insanely busy and on days when even an hour of free time is overwhelming because I don’t want to be “stuck” in my own head. There’s a certain solace in social media. Furthermore, the paradox that we’re more alone and independent than any previous generation yet we thrive off of constant connectivity challenges me often. In a lot of ways it seems like in an effort to combat our own inner perceived notions of mediocrity we continue to strive for and subsequently advertise external achievements to build ourselves up. In this way, we perpetuate a definition of success that is controlled by comparison and that implies that we must burn out, or DO ALL THE THINGS to be successful. I wonder how much of this external confidence hosted by social media is a cover for the insecurities so many of us encounter each day.

But, I’ve decide to address and reframe this frustration with social media by looking at the positives. A couple months ago, I posted the following Facebook status: “Here’s what’s on my mind: Sometimes I feel like I could make a pretty strong argument as to why I should never work or go to school and instead be on social media all day. Everywhere I look recently, people are posting articles or statuses that make me think and help me to learn more. So, I feel like in some ways, Facebook is its own classroom. Maybe you have to know the right people…” This clickbait classroom has taught me a lot recently. I find myself scrolling through the various feeds I subscribe to with a different eagerness. I am seeking the thoughtful motivational quotes and pictures, latest news coverage, or exciting life events. I’m not reading Facebook seeking validation of my life or to fuel FOMO but instead I’m being inspired, much like how I anticipate this post will be received, by those who are taking chances and sharing more of themselves and their beliefs.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine encouraged me to listen to Brene Brown’s TED talk about vulnerability. I gained two important messages from Dr. Brown’s talks. First, we live in a time where we are continually confronted with unattainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. To me, this is further compounded by the constant need for validation, justification, and approval that churns in our mind even when we’re not willing to admit that it’s there. I struggle with these notions because they are contradictory. How can one seek approval if they’re not even sure who they’re supposed to be or what they’re hoping to achieve? In so many ways, social media perpetuates this.

The second thing I took away from Dr. Brown’s talks is this: it’s okay to be seen and heard. When I first heard this, I exhaled a sigh of relief. I felt like I was being granted permission to be proud of myself without fearing disapproval or being perceived as arrogant. Then, I stopped thinking about myself and realized, the best way I can embrace Dr. Brown’s message is by advocating for sharing and truly hearing stories. Stories have a special place in my heart. Stories connect us. They help us learn empathy and foster lifelong relationships. They are also the foundation of our society (think history class). Recently, I’ve been fascinated with stories! Both understanding my story and learning others’ has given me space to be critical and also to explore.

A brief digression to share some relevant resources: When I found out about The Strangers Project I was so excited. Check it out! More stories! More things to question and consider. Of course, I couldn’t view this site without thinking about my favorite TED talk, “The Danger of a Single Story” or the blog post from my incredible semester in Cape Town that inspired my love for stories and craving for understanding.

The story motif is not transient in my life. It’s complemented by a desire for everything, every moment to be a learning opportunity. Therefore, when a friend shared with me a difficult part her story recently I was again challenged by this sharp dichotomy of internally and externally facing selves. I never knew that about her but I considered myself privileged to learn more about her personal life. I don’t have a lot of conversations that aren’t either super intellectual or very surface level (this is intentional, those spaces are safe and I can easily contribute and not feel overwhelmed typically). This is also mostly because I don’t reciprocate well and because I usually don’t have the words to participate in the way that person expects me to respond when they tell me personal things. But, I’ve been practicing vulnerability lately and I’m appreciative for conversations that model this important, powerful skill. While I never want anyone to struggle it was important for me to be reminded that everyone has their story and their challenges but also their composure that they put out to the rest of the world. That was influential for me. I learned a lot about myself and about friendship from that worthwhile exchange.

I was inspired to write this post today because in the midst of being inundated with thoughts about the power of storytelling and being distracted by the overwhelmingness of managing my external life on Facebook I scrolled past these two meaningful and complementary images that spurred my thinking about stories and vulnerability once again!

So here’s my plea: rather than exhausting ourselves with the tiring task of crafting an identity that fits our mental images of what “success” and “happiness” look like, let us spend more time seeking, sharing, and honoring each other’s stories! I think this is best practiced through conversation and the commitment to creating safe spaces for diverse voices and experiences to thrive and be appreciated. When we stop comparing and competing and begin appreciating and recognizing we give power to individuals and let each person own where they’ve been and where they hope to go. We let each individual grow into and with their story and contribute to an identity they can be proud of and others can love regardless of the hurdles and struggles along the way. I hope that through sharing and supporting each other’s stories rather than fortifying spaces of harsh, judgments based on uninformed impressions we can grow and learn together and from each other and reserve judgment by recognizing that this is THEIR lived experience and their truth regardless of what they post on social media.

(Melissa Lovitz is a recent graduate from the University of Connecticut where she studied Human Development & Family Studies and Public Policy. Currently she is a graduate student at Brown University in the Urban Education Policy Program focusing on family and community engagement in urban communities.)

It’s no secret that I am an incredibly sensitive, empathetic person. Which, as we know, can be both a blessing and a curse. The news lately has been heavily weighing on me. Certain news stories are triggering hard emotions – but I can’t stop reading. Social media can do similar things. I adore social media and have found it priceless in my ability to connect with others – but reading about others’ experiences, often negative ones, as people tend to post on social media, has felt taxing. The other night, someone said to me, “Be careful what you let into your space,” following my explanation that the news is breaking my heart lately. She went on to say, “It’s okay to care about the world, and we all have stories that stick with us and we want to follow. But it can sometimes become hard to separate what’s happening with someone else from what’s happening with you. And it can turn into a little bit of an obsession. And it can take away from your own experiences and what you’re dealing with on a day-to-day basis.” Hmmm. I thought about why it is that I felt terrified about not being connected to the news or social media. Because I want to care, I lectured myself. Because people always talk about needing to know what’s going on in the world. Because I want to be educated and aware and able to hold a conversation. Because I want to know what’s happening with my friends. Because I want to be a part of people’s lives. Because I don’t want to only focus on myself, I want to be empathetic and care about everyone else.

Oh dear. A giant reframe was necessary, here. Stepping away from the internet and the t.v. doesn’t mean I don’t care. That’s a huge leap that my brain made, and one I can gently dispute. I care. I care so much. I care too much, sometimes. But I have to come first. My thoughts, my feelings, my memories, my emotions, my day-to-day life. Before I can take on the problems of the world, I need to be with me, first.

So then somehow, we were on the subject of multitasking, and keeping busy. I love multitasking. Often times, multitasking feels calmer to me than only doing one thing at a time. And some of that, I know, is just me and my personality. But I am wondering lately if part of that is a subconscious way for me to not have to fully be present in one experience or the other. Mindfulness is HARD. Because it means slowing down and being present and experiencing all of it – whatever it is. “It’s great that you love your jobs and you love to keep busy,” she said. “But maybe you need some time to just be. And experience whatever it is you’re experiencing internally.”

This connected right back to social media and the news for me. Because my downtime often takes the form of relaxing on the couch, checking the news sites, checking Facebook, replying to blog comments, posting new pictures on Instagram. And in a lot of ways, I love that. It’s comforting and calming and helps me feel connected. AND, I think we all have times where it’s actually more beneficial to not focus on what’s going on in our lives. We all need distractions sometimes, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But sometimes a healthy distraction becomes an avoidance technique.

So on Monday evening, I turned off all of the “breaking news alerts” on my phone. I decided that I wouldn’t watch the news at the gym. I wouldn’t check the news sites. If something drastic happened that I needed to know about, someone would find out and someone would tell me. And if something happened in a loved one’s life, they would either tell me themselves, or I would find out when I found out. It doesn’t make me a bad friend or bad person for not stalking Facebook out of fear that I’d miss something important. I decided that I was going to separate my “down time” from my “social media” time. I decided to be mindful during my down time. I decided to use yesterday and today’s afternoons and evenings as a way to practice. So yesterday I left work, ran a few errands I needed to run, and went to the gym. But while I was running errands I didn’t check social media sites while waiting for the cashier. And at the gym I listened to music and didn’t watch the news. And in the car I didn’t listen to the radio, I listened to the sounds on the road. Then I went home, and it was only 5:00. I sat on the couch and didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to watch t.v. while I fooled around online while I snacked while I thought about the thank-you-notes I had to write. But I gently encouraged myself to do one or the other.

I lit a candle. I read. I opened the window. I cleaned. I didn’t have music on. I listened to the silence. I wrote thank-you-notes in silence. I walked to the mailbox to mail them. I cooked dinner. I splatter-painted. I noticed my breath.

And sure, at one point, I took ten minutes and looked on Facebook. But I did it mindfully. And I could sense that difference.

A similar experience this afternoon. Initial thoughts of, I’m supposed to just BE? To think and feel and exist with myself? Um. No thanks. So not appealing. But I did it. And at one point I checked out a particular news story I’ve been following. And as I did, I scanned my body, and felt my stomach slightly constrict, my chest get slightly tighter. My body was telling me something. So I put the news away. And I cooked dinner. And I went for a walk, with my earbuds in but no music playing. Listening to the world. Being.

The point isn’t to never multitask, to never check the headlines, to abandon social media. I love all 3 of those things, and that’s okay. The point is to find the balance between good distraction and avoidance. Between stress and mindfulness. Between focusing on others and focusing on myself.

And really, I just need to BE. Whatever is working, whatever isn’t working, whatever I need, whatever I don’t – to embrace it and live it. Colors haven’t been working for me lately – so rather than fighting it, I’m wearing a lot of neutrals. And who cares, because neutrals are colors, too. Today I wore all black, and sparkly gold shoes and earrings, and felt (among other reasons) calm and comfortable. So it works. Whatever it is.

Does this resonate with you at all? What are your thoughts on multitasking? Do you ever find it hard to just BE?

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