It’s very strange to me that I have this blog and nobody knows about it. I have never, EVER done that. If I’m being honest with myself, I will say that in the past, especially in high school and college, I wrote specifically knowing people would read it. I said what I needed to say, but also said so in a way that guaranteed me what I needed: help, support, attention, etc.
This blog is a test. I didn’t go public with it for two main reasons:
- I didn’t trust that I would be able to keep up with posting regularly, and I know that people tend to only read regular blogs. (And, as it stands, I was correct. Although, not having time-pressure on me to post regularly makes it more fun than a chore)
-
I wanted to be my true self. And that means not hiding any parts of my personality. And I was scared to do that with everyone knowing it was me, with everyone finding out who the “real me” was all at once. So I decided I needed some practice time.
What I have discovered is that I’m much more ME when I’m writing for me. Nobody reads this blog — my stats generally indicate that — and while part of me wishes that people read it and discovered how brilliant and wise I am (a fantasy, clearly), part of me likes that I don’t have to worry about being judged, ridiculed, talked about, etc. I can say exactly what’s on my mind, exactly how I am feeling, and there’s no shame in it. I don’t have to hide any part of me.
