Dear Maya,

One year old. How is this possible? One year ago, after nearly 4 days in labor, 2 days in the hospital, and about 16 hours so entrenched in pain and exhaustion that I didn’t speak or open my eyes, I heard “4:07! 4:07!” I came to, realizing they were shouting the time. Because you were here. When they finally brought you over to me, I was so nervous. But I held you, and kissed you, weeping, terrified and madly in love.

We took time to get in a groove. Feeding was rough, sleeping was rough, it took me nearly a month to fully recover physically, and just as long emotionally. But once we clicked, oh, did we click. We are attached at the hip, you and me, and I couldn’t be happier.

I wanted so bad to be a mom, to have a baby. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get a baby like you. You surpass everything I could’ve hoped for.

You’re hilarious. You crack yourself up and you crack me up. You know when you’re being funny. You growl and click your tongue and make silly noises. You devour your food, or you very deliberately toss it over the edge of your highchair when you’re not in the mood. You are walking all around, and while exploring you always toddle back for a hug. You self-entertain but you love coming over to give me a toy or have me join in. You love books. You love being outside. You wave hello to the tree in the parking lot where we park at school. You love day care. You love your family. You exclaim with delight when you see the cats. You say “all done” and clap.

I could go on and on.

I can’t believe it’s been a year. I worry I haven’t been present enough, cherished each moment enough but deep down I know I have. I just want infinite time with you.

Here’s what I know: if it continues on the same trajectory, our time together is just going to get better and better.

I am the luckiest. I don’t know why the universe decided I would get to be so lucky, but I am thankful every moment of every day.

You are my very best accomplishment, the best gift I have ever received.

I love you with all my heart.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

Love,
Mama