Hi. I’m so glad that Charlie* is coming to our summer program this year. I’m so glad you brought him to the meet and greet a few days ago.
I know you were worried. When I sat down next to you, while Charlie was with his summer group and summer counselors, you gave me a tense smile and said, “I’m so embarrassed. He keeps saying bathroom words.” You went on to explain how awful he was behaving. That no other kids were saying poop or fart in response to questions. That during the year he had worked with his speech-language therapist who had provided him with social stories that were effective, and the bathroom talk had been extinguished. That you were petrified that it had returned.
When I gave you a smile and told you that this was SO common, that I had seen it a million times, I wasn’t trying to make light of your fears. I really was telling the truth. When I told you that potty talk doesn’t make any of us bat an eye, I was telling the truth. When I told you that it makes perfect sense that he’d resort to potty talk today, I was telling the truth. Charlie is 5 years old. Five year olds love potty talk. It’s silly and goofy and it’s a fun way for them to make each other laugh and connect. Charlie also happens to have an autism spectrum diagnosis. He has language, but anxiety and fear prevail over language. He was put into a new environment, with new kids, and new staff, for the first time all year. That would make ME nervous! So Charlie turned to the words that are easy for him, that he knows, that he could easily access. And those happened to be “poop” and “fart.” I promise you, this is the truth. I promise you, not a single one of us ever thought, or even will think, that he is “poorly behaved,” “trouble-causing,” or “disrespectful.”
When you left and told me, “Charlie said he loves this place!” I was thrilled. That was our goal for the meet-and-greet. To get each and every kiddo feeling like, yes, this is a place they will be safe and have fun this summer. You then followed it up with your disclaimer and fears, “But, he didn’t listen to a word anyone said.” My reply: “But he sat with the other kids. He kept his body in the group. He kept his body safe. He shared some laughs and some words. So from our point of view? It was a huge success.”
I was telling the truth.
We will work with Charlie all summer. We will help him find and access his language. We will teach him the “expected” and “unexpected” times to use potty talk. We will provide him with words and visuals to help him share his thoughts even if verbal expression isn’t accessible.
We are thrilled Charlie is here. We are thrilled you are here. You are in the right place.
I am telling you the truth.
*not his real name
5 comments
Another “you get it” article, nice job!
Jen, your posts are like chicken soup for the ASD parent’s soul! It is so comforting to know that there are people like you that care so much about our kids.
Aww. Thank you, it means a lot.
I don’t know how I came to follow your blog, but I’ve been reading for a while and I am so thankful for everything you share! I am working at a sailing camp right now. We get a new group of kids every week, and this week we have a boy who seems very much like your students (his mom said nothing to us and wrote nothing on his paperwork). Yesterday, he got very upset, curled into himself and refused to interact. I thought of your earlier white board post and remembered that I had a small dry erase board in my car. I ran and got it for him. It helped so much! Thank you for everything you share!
This is so awesome! I love hearing that you had success with the dry erase board!! Thanks for reading :)