Month

December 2012

Intuition

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I did it! I tapped into my intuition abilities and succeeded. At my appointment today, she helped me start mapping her field. I had never done that before — or, at least, never consciously. I kept asking, “What if I do it wrong?” or “What if I guess the wrong thing?” but I kept getting it right. And she said that there IS no guessing — if an image or an idea pops into my mind, that’s the intuition. So it turned out that once I calmed down and stopped THINKING, and instead just SEEING, I saw it correctly. Which is really cool.

 

Quick friendship thoughts

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There are times when I feel truly guilty, horribly devastated, that I have lost touch, or been out of touch, with a friend. Generally I blame myself, hear all that negative self-talk saying, “You’re an awful friend and an awful person; it’s all your fault.” But lately I’ve been reminding myself that YES, it is partly my doing, but only partly. Relationships, each part of a relationship, involves two people. And it doesn’t have to always be 50-50. In fact, it’s generally NOT 50-50. But the other person has to be giving SOMETHING. And if they are truly doing nothing, you cannot put all the blame on yourself.

Today’s gratitude

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  1. How strong, sexy, and confident I felt at the gym tonight

  2. Walking outside to another building while at work and getting a moment of bright sun beaming down on my face

  3. Successfully helping my student through an autistic meltdown, and having a productive therapy session with him including many giggles.

Tidal wave

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Sometimes there is just a moment where darkness, heaviness, and despair come over me so hard it’s like being hit by a tidal wave. I used to think that when this happened, it was because something was fundamentally wrong with me. I know now that rather, it’s me feeling the vibrations and wavelengths of others. Somewhere out there, something happened at that moment. Maybe it was something happening to someone down the street, maybe it was the planets aligning in such a way that the vibrations coursed through me. I am permeable and I am receptive, for better or for worse. So I breathe through it and remind myself to be thankful for my openness. For many years it was such a curse, but now, I realize it is a blessing, in so many more ways.