I love Social Thinking. I’m all for it. I’ve been trained in it for years, both of my jobs involve it on a daily basis, I’ve seen what it can do for kids with autism or various other diagnoses. That being said, I need to make one point clear, one that some people either overlook or don’t understand. And let me preface this by saying that I am not talking about kids with autism who are nonverbal, who have little functional communication, who are on the far end of the spectrum. I’m talking about the more middle-to-higher communicative kids. Okay.
We teach “Thinking with our eyes,” and “Keep your brain in the group” and all of the other wonderful catch phrases. And once they catch on, they work wonders. But sometimes they are not going to work. Sometimes, no matter how long you’ve worked on that skill, your autistic student is not going to “think with their eyes” and look at you while you’re in a conversation with him. Sometimes, no matter how many times you explain that it’s unexpected to blurt out a random thought, she is still going to blurt. It’s not (necessarily) because s/he doesn’t understand that skill.
Some of it has to do with processing. For that first student, it’s possible that his brain is overloaded. Maybe he has a language disorder as well and lags behind in receptive or expressive communication. Maybe, his brain is trying so desperately to listen to what you’re saying, understand it, remember it, and formulate the “expected” response that there is just no more availability for his brain to ALSO look at you, visually process what you look like, what your mouth movements look like, AND do all of those other skills. For the second student, maybe her working memory skills aren’t so solid. Maybe she doesn’t know (as one of my students was able to explain to me — changed the way I thought about this entirely) how to “keep thoughts from coming down to her mouth” and “keep them in her brain until later.” Maybe, as this student also explained to me, she hasn’t learned how to “save a thought in her mind” so that she can “remember it later.” Maybe her blurting isn’t her not caring about expected behaviors, but maybe it has to do with the fact that her brain sent that thought down to her mouth, and her mouth needs to say the five-word script from a commercial in order for her to move on. And maybe, as is in the case with my student, if you let it happen but get her right back on track, it’s actually more productive and beneficial. Or maybe that student’s brain is so disorganized, and there are so many scripts and facts and thoughts floating around, that if she doesn’t say that thought right away, she will forget it forever, and she desperately wants you to hear how important it is to her. So maybe the solution isn’t to berate the individual for being “unexpected” during class, but rather, say, “We can talk about that at the end of class, I’ll write it down so I remember for you,” and get right back to the lesson.
PLEASE don’t get me wrong. Social Thinking is incredible. But it’s not a full-proof solution for every moment of every day. Sometimes, we need to go with our intuition. To put ourselves in these kids’ shoes (which I realize is easier for some than others — I happen to believe that while I fall on the “typical” side of the continuum, I am close enough to the point where “autism” begins that I understand a lot about these kids intuitively) and think, “Is there a reason this isn’t working, other than because they can’t do it?” And maybe you’ll be surprised.
4 comments
Oh how I wish you were my son’s teacher. Your ability to empathize with the children is incredible. I love your descriptions of possible things happening in the children’s brain which could lead to undesirable behaviors. I fully believe that there is always a reason behind “bad” behavior. I think you’ve described exactly what my son feels when he impulsively interrupts – he has a thought or idea that is SO important, and he feels an urgent need to share it NOW, before he loses the thought or can move on. Others disagree and think I make excuses. I do understand that learning appropriate conversational etiquette is important, and I do my best to impart these skills to my son. But I also think that the constant attempts to change behaviors can have the affect of making children feel they are something broken that needs to be fixed. And I know my son works so hard every day to suppress many urges he has but knows he should not act on. I believe he deserves a break sometimes, particularly at home, in the comfortable company of family…I want him to know we will always love him for exactly who he is, and so I try really hard to understand what he feels and thinks. On the spectrum or not, we all crave to be understood. Your willingness and and ability to understand and empathize with your students is a magnificent gift to them, and to those who love them.
Big hugs to you – thank you for your honest words. Your son is so lucky to have you, as someone who loves him for who he is and tries desperately to understand and advocate for him. I hear you – I have parents, colleagues, friends, tell me that same thing – that we can’t let kids run wild, that we have to teach them social conventions and rules. But it’s not black and white, and that’s what you and I agree upon. It’s not like they have to follow ALL the rules, or none of them. Because after all, none of us follow all of the rules! So, yes, we try to teach our kids to the best of their ability. But I’m with you – we can’t “fix” every little thing. They’re not broken. They’re just different. I get that. Let’s both keep doing and saying that what in our hearts what we know is right. xoxo
Your blog is like one of the novels / books that I read, and I just can’t set it down. I just want to share each entry. We agree on many, many things.
I wish so much that all people could look at their students with differences and think “Maybe, its not that they don’t WANT to. They just CANT.” Oh, I just wish it so much.
Kylie, thus made me teary. Thank you, so much, for sharing your thoughts. I love knowing that there are others out there who “get” my brain! <3